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Tug of War

Siren had a good time at Victoria’s Secret.  Apparently, she bought $200 worth of panties and lotion.  It’s like some sort of cruel joke.  I want to make a move, but I’m scared.  If I didn’t need this job (desperately), I would jump on that in a second.

many-panties

Siren is a big fan of mixed messages.  After telling me how sore she is because her bed is broken, she calls up her boyfriend.  Then she tells me how much she likes strippercise.  This constant back and forth is giving me a workout.  I’m going to use this weekend to figure out my next move.  Sad? Yes.  I can’t afford to lose this job, though.

Siren

pantiesI’m having a tough time reading my coworker.  For now I’ll call her Siren (she’s probably lured a few ships into the crashing rocks).  I’m trying to keep my blinders up so I can get through training.  After yesterday’s stripper incident, I don’t want to take any unnecessary risks.

Before we go on break, she mentions that she’s going to Victoria’s Secret during her lunch break.  It doesn’t look like she’s looking for a long term commitment.  I wouldn’t mind having a fuck buddy.

I can only imagine what the after-lunch conversation’s going to consist of.  This can either go really well (Do you want to see what I got later on?)  or it can go very wrong (You’re an honest guy.  Do you think my boyfriend will like this?)

I’m not going to push the envelope.  Actually, I don’t even know what I’ll do if she brings it up.  I just hope I still have a job after this mind-penis battle.

strippersYesterday was pretty uneventful.  I thought for a brief moment that I was about to get fired, but apart from that it was business as usual.

I have to do a better job censoring myself at work.  It’s been a while since I’ve been in an office environment and I have a tendency say whatever pops into my head.  For example, when my coworker started talking about how much she liked going to strip clubs, I should have had the common sense to change the subject (especially on the second day).  Instead, my penis took the helm and.  I know I should’ve put up some resistance, but this is not a typical office conversation.

It gets worse because I definitely got caught.  During the middle of the conversation, there was a slight pause and I open up with, “I only go to strip clubs when –”  That is all I managed to get out because my trainer took the opportunity to pop in and announce that we could go on our lunch break.  Busted!  I don’t know how much she heard, but I’m pretty sure she knew enough about what we were talking about.  I can see here now, waiting outside the room for a chance to interrupt this very inappropriate conversation like a double dutch player.

Maybe I should stop thinking about hooking up with my co-workers.  At least until training is over.   That would reduce the temptation to make an ass of myself while I’m still under the microscope.  I can be fired at any moment, so why give them a reason?  It would be a shame to miss out on some booty because I misread a situation.  It would be a disaster to wind up unemployable because of a sexual harassment lawsuit.

Rejoining the Race

349270230_b201c20cee1Today felt great.  Not because I was reentering the workforce after a 6-month hiatus.  No, I’ll get to that later.  Today was great because I got my biycle back from the shop.  It rides like a dream and reminds me that some things are worth waiting for.  Now I just have to keep it out of the rain.

It takes a lot to impress me.  I can’t emphasize this enough.  I’m the guy that buys comdoms at Costco because you can’t beat the unit price.  I’m the guy that waits until the summer to buy winter clothes.  I’m that guy.

This winter, I overhauled every part on my bike and scoured the web for quality replacement parts within my budget.  This took 4 months.  I realized that I wanted to ride my bike before the fall, so I resolved to letting a professional assemble my bike.

I took all of the pieces to my local bike shop last week and they treated me well.  I definitely got more than my money’s worth.  They tapped the bottom bracket housing, replaced the brake and shifting housing, found a 20 year old brake part that I could not find anywhere, and of course assembled my entire bike from scratch.  This was a great service experience.  Why doesn’t this happen more often?

crowd-clapping1My first day on the job was not as memorable.  I’ll admit I haven’t worked for a for-profit company in a while, but I don’t remember there being so much brainwashing last time.  Training involved drilling the company’s philosophy into our heads until we could no longer distinguish their goals from our own.  I just hope they don’t ask me to drink the kool-aid tomorrow.

Throughout the training, I keep thinking, “This is what all those years of studying were for?”  Oh well.  I have to stay focused on the long.  If I think about the job too much, I’ll talk myself out of it.

On the up side, I finally have co-workers who are in my generation.  It’s hard to make friends at work when everyone around you has a son or daughter around your age.  There are also quite a few hot coeds in my department.  I just have to find a way to tap into that talent pool without getting fired.

Liftoff

Hello interwebs.  I’m not really sure where this blog is going to take me.  Getting to this stage (typing meaningful words instead of nitpicking over aesthetics) took about a week longer than it should have.  In my experience, the first time you take a risk that is marginally meaningful it will inevitably fail or only marginally pass mustard.  For this reason, I will stop worrying about whether the color scheme really suits me, I will stop worrying about whether I am being genuine, I will stop worrying about things that are, in the grand scheme of things marginally important at best.  Instead, I will just be me and let you, my audience decide whether you want to go further based on who that person (me) turns out to be.

Seriously, this is what I worked so hard for?

Seriously?

This week marks a very important time in my life.  It is the first time I have not had at least a weak plan for where my life might be headed in the near or distant future.  I will begin a job this week that I did not see coming after spending 4 years at one of the top institutes in the country.  Who knew that today’s bachelor’s degree would become tomorrow’s high school diploma?  Of course, I’m not going to pull a cisco fatty here, but seriously, this job surprised me.

In the mean time, maybe I’ll follow Einstein’s lead and use the enormous on-the-job downtime to invent something useful.  Probably not.  I’m not that bright.  More likely, I’ll end up taking solid steps toward finding a more meaningful career with clear upward mobility and much better job security (seriously, my job could be easily replaced with a well programmed computer).  Maybe that’s what I’ll work on in the meantime and then turn around and sell my product to my employer?  Every ambitious idea sounds great until you realize that you’re the one who will have to do all of the legwork.